Egg Revolution

Have you ever been in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to eat, and suddenly realize you don't have the ingredients to make anything? This happened to me tonight. In my fridge I had:

Cherry Kool-aid
Condiments (ketchup, mustard, ranch dressing, mayo)
Spaghetti sauce (no noodles)

Now, in my cupboard, I had:

Baking stuff (flour, baking powder, sugar, etc)
Maple syrup
Crab cake mix (don't ask)
1 can of vegetable soup

Sure, I could have eaten the soup, but that wouldn't have been any fun. Besides, I had the great idea to make pancakes. Surely, with the baking stuff I had and the syrup, this could only turn out awesome, right?

One little problem - NO EGGS.

Apparently, you need eggs to make pancakes. This has happened to me before; I've been all excited to make something and I realize I don't have any eggs. Sure, I could've went to the store, but why? Why should I have to give up time out of my day to buy eggs? Time that could be better spent eating, or fishing, or flying a kite for god's sake!

After searching for pancake recipes on the web for a while, I finally found one that would work. The ingredients called for an egg, sure, but it said the egg was optional. You're damn right it's optional. I went about making the pancakes as directed by the recipe, sans egg. I added some applesauce for flavor (and because I wanted to feel like a chef making some crazy concoction), fryed them up, and voila! Pancakes. And they tasted good, damnit, and they were fluffy! Fluffy and delicious!

I have now come to the conclusion that eggs should be optional in everything. Except when you are making scrambled eggs, or eggs over easy, or sunny-side up eggs. That's just a given. But cakes? Cookies? Those creepy raw egg energy shakes? I'm going egg-free. Who decided that eggs were a good thing to eat anyway? When, in history, did someone say, "Hmm, meat is good, but maybe I should try eating that round thing that came out of this animal's butt."

Eh, who am I kidding - eggs have too much of a stronghold on our society. Someday, when aliens come and take over, they are going to spread a disease through eggs that will make everyone serve them like little slaves. And when that happens, I'll be the one laughing at all your little drone asses while eating my wonderful egg-free pancakes. Yummy.

2 Responses to "Egg Revolution"

Jared Cherup responded on 2/25/2006 1:21 PM #

Are you dissing the INCREDIBLE EDIBLE EGG? I know you aren't. It's too incredible for you to do so.

Ryan responded on 2/26/2006 8:25 PM #

All of this and you don't even post the eggless recipe? Or is this part of your plan to keep eggs out of mainstream society?