Taken Over

Today I'm having one of those days. You know what I'm talking about. The day where nothing you say or do seems to be right. The day when you walk around, convinced you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe or your pants must be unzipped or something, because you feel perpetually embarrassed. That was my day, minus the toilet paper and zipper problems.

Let's take a look at my day in detail, shall we? *ahem*

I woke up late. Never a good start, really, but since I often sleep in, I've learned to be okay with my shortcomings in that area. I remembered that I had a test in my evening class, and had to take a class for work in the afternoon. I left for the work class late, getting there just in time, but no major problems yet. I forget to sign in - well, I didn't really forget so much as neglect to look for a sign-in sheet. Then I was told by one of the ladies in charge that I need a nametag - no problem there, except for how she said it:

"You need a nametag. You know, one of those things that you put your name on."

What? Am I in third grade? Do I look like Hellen f'ing Keller or something? I knew this was a bad start. The rest of the class, as expected, was a complete waste of my time. At least I'm getting paid for it. I left as soon as I could, but not after getting yelled at by a security guard for going through the wrong exit. Dear god. At this point I was flustered and ready to get the hell out of there. I was parked in a parking garage and had to pay to get out, so when I went to the booth, I gave the guy a $20 bill. He's like, "You don't have anything lower than this?" I didn't, and he gave me this look that said, "You just ruined my day." Yeah, well, sorry about your life, buddy - but count me some damn change out. (Don't worry, I didn't say that. I just waited.) Then after he gave me my change, he wouldn't let me leave until I confirmed that he was right. Probably a good idea, but I told him about three times that I watched him count it, and it was fine, and to let me leave now. It was like he was having a panic attack or something, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there. By this point, the person behind me starts beeping, and I drove off, leaving the booth guy with his panic attack and my $20 bill to stew over.

Now I'm irritated, and hungry, and I want to get to my class so I can review before my test. I turn the wrong way, end up driving around in a big circle, and ran through 2 red lights. I start swearing and yelling at cars around me. Why can't they move faster? Don't they know I have somewhere to be, and I've somehow found myself in a parallel universe where exits are in the wrong places and making change for a $20 bill is like solving a differential equation?

I finally took the test and got done before everyone else. Of course, that meant about 20 minutes of sitting around, blindly looking over the answers until someone else got up first. I bolted out of there afterwards and came home. I'm sure, sometime during the test, I was saved from the parallel universe and returned to my current state. Had I not been saved in time, I would have surely gotten a papercut from the test, causing me to bleed for hours and lose consiousness on the drive home, killing some poor old woman with really cute grandchildren, giving them so much mental distress that they later commit suicide, ending all hopes of world peace as they were to grow up to be very influential world leaders - and ensuring the Earth's demise by alien invasion.

Maybe my day was an attempt by the aliens to start the process of world domination. I was drugged and sent to the parallel universe to screw things up for Earth. But some scientist figured this out, and got me back before all was lost. I thank you, sir, for your bravery. Maybe someone will give you an award - but probably not.