Embarrassmentia

This morning at work one of my coworkers gave me a great idea for a blog post. But then I started teasing him that I was going to give him credit for the idea by posting all of his personal information for the whole interwebz to see - and now I can't even remember what I was supposed to post about. Figures, eh?

I did have an interesting day, however. I went to a diversity training for work this afternoon, which wasn't all that exciting, but it wasn't completely awful, either - definitely a bonus. But on the way there, I started thinking about how professional I felt. Here I am, 25, working full-time, driving across the city to go to a training for work - I felt like a grownup, like someone who might actually get that librarian job she's been desperately seeking for months now. Ahem. So I got to the training site, which I've been to a million times now, and I was greeted at the door by the trainer, whom I'd met before as well. She told me where to go, and I said, "Oh yes, I know exactly where that is," and I felt really good about it - it's like I needed to prove to her that I'm a veteran at this, a REAL grownup now, and I KNOW where that training room is. So what happens next? Well, she follows me up the steps, and I trip and fall flat on my face. Yep. Just like that. All thoughts of being professional or grownup were ruined.

When I got in the room and found my seat, I started thinking about how easily embarrassed I get - maybe other people would have just shrugged that off a few minutes later, but not me. I agonize over those things and beat myself up over them. I have this internal voice that scolds me repeatedly for being so clumsy - what was I doing on those steps? Why didn't I pay closer attention to my feet? This is why I tell people that I'm psychotic - I don't think normal people do this.

Eventually I forgot about the incident. But just when I let my guard down, and someone said something really funny, I laughed - and snorted. SNORTED. Very loudly, I might add. I wanted to die.

But I'm home, and I didn't die, and life is good.

Update: I finally got in touch with Spin Columbus (thanks to Eebs, my hero) and I'm going to my first practice with them this Sunday. I'm super excited to be in color guard again!